t.s.

i'm not sorry.

go ahead and post childish things on facebook about me, by all means, if it means that much to you, act like you're in high school and spread all the gossip and all the drama like wildfire. if it makes you feel like a bigger and better person to talk poorly about me with all of these other so called "friends" behind my back then please carry on. your actions and your words are nothing to me. i wouldn't even waste my time acknowledging your petty existence but i feel like you should know that i'm not sorry. i did nothing wrong. i was never trying to be your friend, in fact i knew you didn't like me, you made that quite clear; it was always me that went out of my way to be kind to you. so no, i'm not sorry for what i did, in fact the only thing i'm sorry for is not being honest from the get go.

to the rest of you that think i don't know you're talking about me when i turn my back...i know everything. so you can wear those sly little smirks around all day long thinking that you're some kind of powerful, when in all actuality you're all disposable and replaceable. if you don't like me, stop pretending that we're friends, it's honestly just exhausting and annoying trying to be friends with people that would rather just talk ABOUT you rather that TO you.

there's a reason why i'm never friends with females for long, and it's women like you that remind me why. you can say what you will but the reason i'm closer to men than the rest of you is because men RUN from drama, and that's all you know and that's why you're forever alone. so please like i said, if all you're going to do is play nice to my face and bitch behind my back, remove yourself from my life and save us all the time and drama because i'm not gong to waste my life with pathetic souls such as yourselves.

to those of you that this message does not regard, my apologies. but in fair warning, watch out in life for people like the ones i've spoken of above. these people will suck you dry of sanity and make you think that it's you that has the issue when in reality it's all about them.

xx.
M.

Parisian Love

my prayer tonight.

my mind keeps spinning spinning and spinning as i keep running running faster keep running.

nights get longer and days get shorter, eyes get heavy and lies grow larger.

week long of rain washed clear past the pain, when he sunlight came through the clouds and hit my cold skin, i thought to myself maybe this time i'll win.

standing in sunlight yet pouring down rain, life didn't seem quite as badly in vain.

what i was feeling felt so fresh and so pure; "could this be forgiveness?" i wasn't quite sure.

i know that i fell down flat on my face, i let my four walls down and fell completely from grace.

i know what i did was my weakness giving in, and i know in Your eyes it was nothing but sin.

this isn't the first time, it may not be the last...i'm a sinner in future, in present, in past.

i want to be better, i want to be good i want to be all that i know that i should.

i beg of you now to spare me the wrath, of things that you know that i fear down that path.

God give me strength, during this time see me through, my life and my heart belong completely to you.

home sweet home

moving into my new place saturday and i must say i'm quite excited! you know life seems so difficult sometimes but then i step back and look at what's making it so hard, and i realize, it's me. whether it's toxic people that i've let bring me down or hold me back, or my own insecurities, it's always me that allows things to feel so complicated.

it's going to be different living on the other side of the city this time around...i got so used to venice and loved it so much, yet felt so alone over in that little world. noho is going to be a new adventure for me to explore! i'll have to find a new coffee shop because the cow's end won't be nearby, i'll have to fine a canals/pier replacement for when i need a think walk, but i'll be ok!

my favorite advantage of living on the noho side of town is that all the people i love and am friends with live close by! and to those lovely people, if they ever read this, i want to be a better friend to you all! i'm so grateful that i've been blessed with such amazing people in my life and i want to be there for all of you!

school starts up in january, and i need a job but life for once doesn't seem so dark. when you let go of the things that you thought were so good, but were truly inner demons battling against your good will, it's easier to breathe, easier to sleep at night, easier to smile...

the last thing i want to say before i end this, is that for a long time now, i've been hiding from my relationship with God and i don't wanna do that anymore...i want to put that first! God gave me a second chance at life at a very young age and to Him i owe my life. thus far i don't feel like i've done Him too proud, so from this moment on, i'm going to try my very best to be the woman that God left me here on this earth to be. it's never an easy walk, but that's why it's a journey.

as always, i love you all.

x.

Morgan

wondering if dreams are worth it...

...if dreams are like Freud says they are, representations of unconscious desires, thoughts and motivations...

...and if that's not enough, try living like i do, and instead of just sleeping to dream, pretend them while you're awake.

who's to say we can't make our dreams come true? whether it's figuratively or literally, there's no reason that dreams can't become realities when we take matters into our own hands.

if dreams are desires, and wild while we sleep, imagine how wild and hot than can be when you're awake in the world.

if dreams are thought, imagine how powerful those thoughts can be when put into word.

and if dreams are motivations, well then what the heck are you waiting for?!? the only thing holding you back is you!

so to answer my question as to if dreams are worth it or not...HECK YES! just be bold enough to keep on dreaming after the sun comes up in the morning!

dreams are the manifesting place for reality to exist. with the world as our stage and people as our puppets, the possibilities of play are endless.

Psalm 119:37

Turn away mine eyes from beholding vanity; and quicken thou me in thy way.